Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Why am I surprised?

I was heading onto the train yesterday after work and I was in my own version of lala land. Dropped some money while replacing my metrocard. A nice gentleman in a suit (corporate type) pointed to the money I dropped. As I was going back to get it, a woman picked it up. Before I could even say anything...he was already there tapping her on her shoulder (literally) and pointing to me as the rightful owner of the currency. I looked at him, seemingly stunned, smiled (I'd like to think brightly) and was greeted with a warm "you're welcome". It should be noted that this happened during rush hour at the Rockefeller Center train station. Maybe I've bought into the notion that NYers could give a rat's ass about each other's well being, I don't know. I do know that I was pleasantly surprised.

I had intended for this blog post to be about being UNpleasantly surprised by the lack of loyalty displayed by closest confidants and then a stranger surprises me with such a small but grand gesture, in my view. See, I was on the verge of writing off people as mere objects and obstacles. I know it sounds melodramatic and more than a tad jaded but it's how I've been feeling. I've always been the type of individual that "doesn't tell my business". I mean I may throw out a sublimenal message or 2 on FB or twitter but "never have I ever" (stole that from the game) went on a rant about my personal life and divulged specific details regarding my life. Actually, I find that pretty tacky. However, on more than one occurence I have been betrayed by a confidante, that I willingly invited into my personal space. Now if I take these occurences as lessons and use them for what they are, I would, in fact, keep my distance from all people when it comes to an extremely personal level. But then, I have to ask myself...where does that leave me? Alone with no one to talk to? Of course there are the old reliables, for those of us who are lucky, parents and significant others, but everything aint for everybody, and sometimes one wants an opinion of a peer or just maybe someone on the outside looking in. It's hard for parents and S.O.'s to remain objective, not to mention you can't talk to them ABOUT them so that leaves us at an impasse.  Click on HERE read more........

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Weighing in...........

So over the past few weeks on many occasions I have run across the fat vs. thick debate.  To a Black woman (generally speaking) being "thick" is as good as it gets.  I think we can all agree that there is a very thin line between the two.  Admittedly, I've begrudgingly crossed that line before.  I just so happen to not be one of those women who subscribes to society's standard of beauty (85% of the time).  Although that may be true, and I wasn't necessarily down in the dumps, when I slimmed down and got back to that ideal size (for me it's an 8 but I'll take a 10 ANY day), I was running around singing The Dream's "Shawty is a 10" like an idiot.  And I'm DEAD serious.  Of course it's nice to be at your ideal size, who wouldn't want that? The problem I have is that people want to tell you what your ideal size should be, and I wanna know who gave "them" the authority? Oh yeah that's right...we did.

I'd say we've  spent long enough doing what other people think is right, being what other people think is beautiful, and just trying to live up to the status quo in general.  By we, I mean any group...blacks, women, gays, whatever.  I'm so over doing what other people say and looking how other people look.  Health should be the number one priority and if you're tipping the scales at 200+ lbs., or whatever is overweight for your particular size, then something should be done most definitely.  But what shouldn't be a priority, is trying to get that KING magazine body or an ideal that is attainable at too high a cost. 

Recently, a friend of a friend was in ICU for getting ass injections out in Brazil.  Now of course, doing anything in Brazil or any other third world country is sketchy but what if it was done in Beverly Hills by the best of the best?  Have we learned nothing from Donda West (Kanye's mother)?  People speak of teachable moments all the time, but a teachable moment has to extend beyond the moment.  It takes a conscious decision not to perpetuate the ignorance.  I know I may sound a little preachy but sue me. This whole weight topic hits a nerve with me.  I've had people say to me, "WE gotta slim down" or when describing someone who's "fat" say, "She's bigger than you".  Really??  Uhh ok. I just think it's time that we stop holding people up to OUR standard of beauty and start letting people set their own.

Make no mistake, I don't think women should let themselves go on the notion that they love themselves, a la Bruno Mars, just they way they are.  I'm just saying that we should improve upon ourselves because WE want to, not only for our health but to maintain our fabness. Not because society, the internet, magazines, or any other "they" make us feel less than.


Sunday, September 19, 2010

Used to be......

I used to be a lot of things, but as of now I'm not so sure
I'm on the road to self discovery and looking for so much more
I want to be myself, but who that is, has yet to be fully uncovered
I know what I don't want: futile competition with another
I want to live freely, and learn from my mistakes
I'm playing to win this game called life, I know how much is at stake
I don't want unnecessary stress and I can do without drama
I want to live without the bother of self-inflicted, and avertable trauma
In life, I expect to go through the unavoidable ups and downs
I will, however, work hard for smile lines but avoid excessive frowns
I intend to explore life and enjoy what it has to give
I'm not here to watch longingly, and be a voyeur from the outside; I'm here to live
I'm here to learn and soak in all that life has to offer
I'm here to be a strong woman, an inspiration to my unborn daughter
I'm not here to be what I used to be, but who I truly am
No matter how long it takes I will execute that plan

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Sooooo  I've been gone for a while.  It's not that I haven't had much to say or been inspired to write, I've just been lazy.  Summer is that time when you want to soak up all the me time in the world and I did just that.  It's been a nice Summer thus far.  Trips to beaches, QT with friends and fam, and most importantly, just doing me. Whether that be curling up with a good book or just watching Entourage, True Blood and/or Bethenny Getting Married, I've just been enjoying my leisure time.  Of course, as the last weeks of Summer approach, shit had to hit the fan.

So...question: Does it pay to be good to people?  Like really good??  I mean I'm no saint nor martyr but if it's one thing I pride myself on it's loyalty.  Kinda to the extreme on some G'd up death before dishonor sh*t.  Now I know, in my heart of hearts, that people just aint built like that no more but for some reason I always find myself disappointed in people.  And who's fault is it at the end of the day?  Mine.  I have learned from experience, and from Biggie, that it's always the closest ones to you that do the most surprising things, and yet we still trust people and still give people our hearts to break.  I wonder...why is that?  Are we eternal optimists who hope that one day, just one day, someone will surprise us with their authenticity?  Or is it just too hard to believe that people will sacrifice anything and anyone for a salacious story or a momentary break from their own misery.  You know what they say about misery.....Click HERE to read more.....