Thursday, March 31, 2011

If You Do All The Crying, What The Babies Gon' Do??

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This workout has been killing me. I understand that if exercising was easy, everybody would be runnin' round here with fit bodies and sick shapes. As evidenced by the obesity numbers in this country, many others share my sentiment. What they probably don't share is the desire that I have for my body to be bad. I'm aiming for back fat and other unsightly additions to be non-muthaf**kn factors. What I'm also looking forward to making a non factor is the 2 size alternatives that I have to take into the dressing room, because I could be either size depending on the week. I want to go in the store, know my size, pick it up and leave. Being that I'm not there yet, I had to ask myself: Where is crying about the workout going to get you besides the same results you've been seeing? The answer? Nowhere. So I needed to knock it off. The complaining was not only counterproductive, but I'd begun to annoy even myself.

Speaking of annoyed, the other day I was on one of the social networks and  I was annoyed to see another depressing status update. Don't get me wrong I've been known to vent a time or two about a rainy day, a random argument, maybe the MTA throwing off my whole day, and of course working out. But when you go online and see depressing post after depressing post, often from the same people,  it's like "Really?? ANOTHER Bad Day?". I'm starting to think it may be you. That same day I updated my status to say: "Hate a habitual complainer. If u don't like your situation...change it. Find SOMETHING to be happy about. That is all."


Granted it may have been a little unnecessarily snarky, and even a bit preachy but there's nothing worse than grown a$$, capable people boo-hooing. Worse than a crying woman is a crying man. Seems today we have more of those shedding figurative tears than should be conceivable. Listen...men can cry in the dark, in the light, I could really care less. I don't have a problem with an emotional man, or an emotional person at all. But I do have a problem with someone who cries about their problems and does nothing to fix them.

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The False Dilemma of Deleting Someone From Facebook

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A few days ago I was on Facebook and something nosy in me prompted me to click the link on the right side of the screen that read "People You May Know". Facebook has many of functions that I often pay minimal, if any attention to. The "People You May Know" feature is one of them. Bored out of my mind and doing the first thing that occurred to me I clicked on it. I began to sift through these supposed likely friends. As I look at pics and recognize familiar names, I'm once again baffled by the internet and how it really works. I know they say Big Brother is always watching, and the things they know scare me just a little. But anyway, I digress. As I'm scrolling, I run into the friend I talked about HERE. I was mildly stunned to see that she was among these no longer phantom people I may know. I definitely knew her, but what I did not know was that she had deleted me from her friends.

Some weeks back, I was visiting my aunt and somehow we got into a conversation about Facebook. She's notorious for putting people on blast on their walls, and then being deleted from their friends' list. She's also known for being offended by people and the stuff they choose to post (whether it be too raunchy or just plain TMI) and deleting them from her page. I honestly found it all pretty melodramatic but entertaining nonetheless. It became a running joke for weeks and anytime one of us did something playfully offensive to the other, we threatened deletion. Of course we had more than a few good laughs about it, but it left me thinking about a few people I wanted to delete. My former friend being one of them.

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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Sometimes It Lasts In Love But Sometimes It Hurts Instead

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Please Listen:



I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you


I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over


Never mind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"


Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Powerful right?

Every now and again I find an album that I get obsessed with. Right now, it's Adele's "21" album. If you're not familiar with Adele, trust me Google is your friend and if ever there was a time when you needed said friend, it was now to find out more about Adele. But since I'm your friend too, in a manner of speaking, I'll do you the solid of providing a few links within this post.

I first fell for her about 3 years ago while I was channel surfing on the late night. I just so happened to randomly catch the end of Conan O'brien and I lucked into watching Adele perform "Crazy For You" (you can see her perform it live HERE). From then I was hooked. I went and found everything she'd ever recorded for the public and I was a certified fan. Like many of the rest of her fans, I waited patiently for her to release a follow up album to her debut "19" (named for her age at the time) and I was more than satisfied with what she delivered.

Although I'd previously listened to the new album in its entirety, it was during Grey's Anatomy's most recent episode that "Someone Like You" resonated with me as it did. My heart broke listening to the scenario Adele croons about in the song (and talks about in the video above).

Picture this: You break up with the person who you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with, only to go on with your life never finding a love that half way equals the one that got away. Years pass, and you run into your old love only to see that he's not only moved on, but gotten married. He seems to have everything you lack and even longed for with him. You'd hoped that when you reconnected that he'd take one look in your eyes and realize that you still love him just as much as the day he left. Only when you meet him you see that he's happy and the feeling isn't quite mutual.

Kinda heartbreaking, huh?

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I'm Still Confused: Can Attractive Men and Women Be "Just Friends"?

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For some reason this age old question is still relevant: Can Attractive Men and Women Be "Just Friends"?

Let me tell you a little something about me: I'm not the type of girl that runs around here screaming every man is fine aka "a shorty". For me to classify you as a shorty you need a few things and I find most men lacking. Fellas, if you're reading this, by no means am I saying this to say that I'M your definition of a "shorty". If I'm not, that's cool but quite frankly you may not be my standard either. I say that to say, if you are what I would consider a "shorty", friendship just probably isn't in the cards for us. "Shorties" try to befriend me all the time and I often tell 'em, I ain't really in the market for any new "friends" right about now.

Yet sometimes I'm also often left wondering: Am I cutting off potential friends using the mindset of a close-minded individual that assumes most men want to be my "friend" with the hopes that we'll end up being more? More like bedroom buddies? Or am I just being realistic and taking these dudes at face value, knowing that they want to be my friend for as long as it takes for them to get in my panties? Which leads me to my conclusion...Friends? Pish tosh! You only wanna be my friend until I have a momentary lapse and then BOOM...you got me (or you got them)! Guess what? I'm good. I got enough friends.

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Friday, March 18, 2011

Confliction

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To the left, to the left

But the right is pulling hard

For some direction I am starved


At a crossroads

Which way to go

A haphazard river with no steady flow


A road map would help

'Cause I can't find my way

Confusion an inconvenient delay


In my heart lies the right path

Though the wrong one pulls and inflicts its wrath

Holding onto me as tight as latex

Postponing my trip to the imminent apex


Reason has left me alone out in the cold

The warmth of righteousness 

Eluding me like a straight line in a fold


Mind over matter

Oh yeah that's rich

What happens when the matter's too great

That mantra becomes impossible to relate


Confliction wars amidst chaos internally 

Conclusiveness an illusory destination on a trying journey 

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Can I Get A Do Over?

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Ever wish life came with a rewind button? Or a white out pen? Or even a backspace key? I know I do. Sometimes I do something and I immediately wish I could take it back. It's kinda like, "Hey, can we just act like that never happened?" *insert smiling face and batting eyes* Unfortunately though, seeing as how this is real life, there's some truth to the saying "what's done is done". Le Sigh.

Yesterday I was explaining my whole "death before dishonor" relationship approach to a friend of mine. He asked me if I ever feel like I'm overreacting because, I quote, "you seem like the type to overreact". Ha! Possibly true. But who's to say what overreacting is? To say someone is overreacting diminishes their feelings and also says that what they hold as important isn't nearly as significant as their making it out to be. Who says? Overreacting, like most things is subjective. After I broke it down with that logic he agreed but still he asked, "You don't make mistakes?"

Boy do I ever.

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Friday, March 11, 2011

I Wish I Could Say It's Not You - Sometimes It's Just...Over

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You ever fall out with someone and everyone else seems more broken up about it than you are? You try to muster up some semblance of emotion but it just isn't there? A few months ago, I mused about the ending of a friendship (check it HERE) and how it's probably the closest thing to an actual break up. That's when you really care about the relationship and you mourn its loss. Yet there are those times when you're just like, "Ahh well.*shrugs* Ya win some ya lose some." It's like when a friend breaks up with a guy you like. You really like the guy and you kinda wish, if nothing else, your friend remains friendly with dude so at the very least if you see him in the street you could chat it up, and not feel like a traitor. Yet if you you can't...it was nice knowing dude.

The other day I was at some restaurant that had one of those Chinese zodiac sign charts on the paper menu/place mat. Mine happens to be the Rat (Ew!). A part of the description read: Seldom makes lasting friendships. I can't front, that gave me a little pang. Firstly, because I consider it to be true of myself. Secondly, I had to wonder does that say more about me or the people I choose to befriend. Pretty much, either way you slice it, it's a reflection on my skills of determining people's character. That didn't really sit too well with me.

I've never been a clique type girl. I've always had a right hand. From the time I was in the first grade stealing other people's box juices with my little first grade wing woman, up until now when I call maybe one girlfriend to share my personal business with. That's just me (another notable Rat fact is that we give good advice but rarely unload our own problems onto others). Yet, every time I've fallen out with someone, it's been with one of these "right hands". Things that make you go "Hmmm". Makes me wonder. I could liken it to one of those "It's not you it's me" spiels. It's me because my tolerance for your nonsense has reached it's peak. It's you because either you're not growing, or I just can't get with what you've grown into. You've been there I'm sure. It's when you're at the point where you don't have a long drawn out explanation for it. You're just simply done. It's just...over.

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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Slow Down Girl...Your Biological Clock Is NOT Ticking! Worry About YOU!

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Yah so I've been thinking : Why is it that when a woman is in her mid to late twenties and been in a long term relationship for quite a bit of time (or not) some people are much more likely to ask, "Hey! When are you having a baby?" As opposed to when you're going to settle down and get married. It's sad to say but in the black community, by the time you're in the 25-32 age bracket and still childless, you are either one of three things: crazy, barren, or lucky and not necessarily in that order.

Personally, I don't think of the decision to forgo having children by the mid twenties to early thirties, in terms that are quite so extreme or tragic. I see it as simply, a different way than what has become the norm.  I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that my mother had me at the ripe old age of 20, and from the time I can remember she's been screamin', "You're gonna live your 20's!! You're gonna live your 20's!!". And living my 20's I am. Don't take my stance to mean that I think having children in your twenties is wrong, and that if you have children that means you're not "living" life. I don't really subscribe to the idea that everyone's story is meant to be written in the same fashion. My way isn't right or wrong, it's simply my way. Claiming to have all the answers and dictating how another's life should be isn't my thing at all. Yet, what my thing does do is resemble a ball of a confusion at young women with no ambitions other than being someone's mother for the rest of their lives, starting before their lives even truly begin.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother and relishing in the joys of motherhood, but I do see something amiss with a woman in her mid twenties with 2-3 children, who is on some form of assistance be it welfare or Section 8, no personal goals or ambitions other than having a "good job", and no significant other to speak of to help raise and provide a good example of what is to be expected of not only a man, but a father. This is not to say that there aren't women in their twenties who are mothers that do have goals and ambitions, but I'm not talking about them.

Call me crazy. Call me bougie. Hell, call me me whatever you like but you can start by calling me frank though, 'cause this is something that really bothers me and I just want some answers. Ladies, our biological clocks are NOT ticking by our mid twenties, so why are we popping out babies like they're going out of style, instead of working on US?

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Thursday, March 3, 2011

One Monkey Don't Stop No Show...In This Case: One Job.

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My oh my, has it been an interesting few days. Many changes have been brewing for some time now but I got a push like no other last Friday.

I went in to work. Just like I would on any other routine Friday. Happy for the weekend and just willing myself to get through the last day of a tedious week. About noon, my boss calls me into his office. Prompts me to shut the door. I comply. He motions for me to have a seat. Again, I comply. He then says:

"Onedia, I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to let you go."

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