Thursday, November 8, 2012

First Things First


How you doin? *in my Wendy voice*

Me? I'm doing...better. When I tell you 2012 has been a hell of a year for me...I mean that as literally as possible. I've grown up in ways that had you asked me last year, I would have told you something resembling "Uh uh you can't tell me nuffin'". Just 'cause you leave your teens doesn't mean you leave your know-it-all attitude behind. At least it didn't for me. Fortunately, life has a way of (re)teaching you what you thought you knew (think Jay and Bey circa 2002 when she was "Crazy In Love"), doesn't it?

Don't get me wrong. I've learned my fair share of hard lessons. There was the time when I was 18 and moved to Snellville, GA from the concrete jungle of Rosedale, Queens. only Rosedale folks think it's the hood but we all know I get my street cred from BK. Anyway, shell shocked and too grown (or so I thought) to be told by my father that I couldn't be on my own cell phone after eleven o'clock at night, I learned real quick: Time for me to go! I wasn't about that life. I learned a lot about myself then too. Namely, how to work two jobs and get my own crib. Lesson: you aint grown til you in your own place, paying your own bills. You can talk on the phone to your heart's content.

And then of course there was the time when I was 23 and my little brother was killed and my boyfriend went up north. I learned a lot then too. Like how to lose a loved one and keep pressing on. Lesson: The world doesn't stop when you suffer a loss and neither can you.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I Will Try To Fix You...Except You're Not Broken


When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I've used this blog in the past as an outlet for expression about things in my life. Though as I've aged (I only started the blog about a year ago but still) I've gotten a lot more guarded and sharing so much of myself has either become harder, or I've become less interested in doing so. Expression can be cathartic, but it often times invites people to have an opinion about the choices you make in your life. In my experience, people's opinions can skew your own making it harder to determine if your decisions are your own or heavily influenced by others. I prefer to be responsible for the choices that I make so I limit the people I discuss them with.

With that being said, most issues that we deal with in life are universal. The situations that we go through are all very similar, just with different characters, settings, and time periods. I don't know about you, but I've frequently been comforted by the thought of others experiencing the same things as me. You know what they say about misery loving company. But sometimes it doesn't come from hate...just relatability.

There have been many a time when I was broke as all get out and I saw people buying new Louis Bags and Red bottoms and I'm left  wondering if they're going through the same economic crisis as the rest of the world. Only to find out, they may be rocking a new designer bag, but they're late on their rent, car payment or whatever. No judgment here. I'm just saying, it puts things in perspective a little bit. Makes me feel like I'm not the only one struggling.


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Plans Change


Chile let me tell you...if I never understood when people said "We make plans and God laughs", I most definitely understand it now. These last few weeks so many monkey wrenches have been thrown into my plans that I'm just surprised one hasn't bussed me upside the head. Or maybe it did, I have been a little more coocoo as of late. I'm still looking for the knot that's sure to be forming though, so I'll let you know.

I know how this thang go. Like my man Forrest said, "Life is like a box of chocolates...ya never know what ya gonna get." Trust, I've gotten my fair share of fillings that weren't quite my faves, but I eat the outside, throw the rest away, and keep it moving. I like to think I do the same thing in my life.

Over the last few months, I've gone through some trials and tribulations. I'm not necessarily complaining because I understand that my problems are very likely no worse than yours. But when it's your life, and you're going through it's hard to keep that in perspective. Yet, one thing about me is that I don't live in a state of misery. I know that plans change.