Tuesday, November 22, 2011

It Aint Errthang But It Shole Is Important


Don't ask me why I felt the need to title this post as if my name is Suge Avery, but it seemed to drive home my thinking. The other day I was on Facebook and saw a classic status update from my homeboy J. Bates. He said "Great sex is to a relationship, what money is to life. It's not everything, but it sure makes it a hell of a lot easier." A little less ebonics, but the same point all the same. As a female, I don't frequently go on FB talking about how important or non important sex is to me, but I can definitely co-sign...and I did just that.

A few weeks ago my boo and I found ourselves at my mother's house for a fish fry. We took the ride out to Queens to break bread with the fam and have some good ole fried fish, shrimp, and other unhealthy food that Black folk seem to love. We were doing the couple thing - laughing, joking, flirting and just being ourselves when my cousin looks at us with quite possibly a look of admiration and says,

"Awww, after all these years ya'll still look so in love. What's the secret?"

My response? "Good d**k!"

What??? It's the truth. I was joking but we all know there's always truth in jest. I know as well as anyone that it takes more than good D to sustain a successful relationship, but it does say something that my first thought ventured there. My cousin wasn't shocked by my admission (I'm known for my mouth), but I inadvertently peaked my own interest with my impetuous declaration.


Truthfully speaking, I think the most important thing in a relationship is being able to laugh with one another. You have to be able to laugh through the hardest of times with the one you love I think. It's helped me get through, for sure. Some say it's trust, and I agree to an extent, but ya'll already know I got trust issues like my boy Drake. Others say it's financial stability or physical security. But no matter which way you slice it, you can have all of that ,but if you're not satisfied where it counts, it's highly likely problems loom in the very near future.

I had a girlfriend tell me just a few weeks ago that the guy she was dating had it all, except skills in the boudoir. She was actually considering cutting dude lose 'cause his D game wasn't up to par. It's a sad reality, but reality nonetheless. People can find many a reason why Black women don't have a man, but I've never heard them mention a lack of brothers who put it down. I got some girls that could testify to that one.

Back to my boy's status though. He said that sex makes thing easier. I tend to agree but some could argue that it makes things a helluva lot harder. Especially, where women are concerned. Real talk, sometimes we get D-matized and we can't tell if we're coming or going. Other times our virtue gets us caught up with bad D. Trying to be a good girl can have us putting up with some bad D just cause we don't want our numbers to go up. And that's just a recipe for a disaster just waiting to be cooked up.

So I say all that to say to say what? Stay away from bad D because it can mess your life all the way up? Not even...but that too. My point actually is that I can't speak for anybody else, only for myself and one thing I know for sure (as my girl Oprah would say), is that great sex does make things a whole lot easier in a relationship. You can get through almost anything if the D is right. I know it sounds so birdish but cluck, cluck honey! Nah I'm playing. But it doesn't hurt. It can only aide a relationship that has all the other necessary components of success like love, trust, and respect. But real talk, I do think that great sex is essential to the success of any relationship. It may not be errthang but it shole is important!

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