Tuesday, October 18, 2011
You Better Not Eff This Up
Bridget Kelly - Seek and Destroy
This morning as I'm going through my daily routine of checking blogs, I come across a song by Roc Nation's new artist Bridget Kelly called Seek and Destroy. First let me say the song is bananas, and being the G that I am I could so relate. She belts out to her man "you better not f**k this up".
The way my mind works scares me sometimes 'cause my thoughts started to veer all the way to the left. Hearing her repeatedly tell her man how he better not eff them and their relationship up, got me to thinking about my own life. I don't have the luxury of effin' this up. This is my one and only shot.
I know it sounds like a stretch but for me it really isn't. I don't know if it's just me but it seems that I'm always at some sort of crossroads. I'll give you a few instances:
Should I get married or should I not?
This may sound weird to you but it's a question that I would say plagues a lot of women. Some would argue of course, that you're not married 'cause no one's asked you. But some women do decline offers, ya know?What if you're not married because you're not sure it'll be enough? Then you start to question, well what is enough? Then you start to question whether marriage is even necessary. Would I be doing it because it's what you're "supposed" to do? Or would I be doing it to because it's what I really want. Forever is a daunting expression and when I think marriage, the two are almost synonymous. To be honest, I'm still not sure I buy into the whole monogamy as a natural process ideal. I don't know. To marry or not to marry. Crossroads.
Should I continue my education or should I start a family?
I'm not stuck in a time warp and I know this is 2011, and you can do both. Mothers do it everyday. But is it wrong that I don't want to do both? Is it wrong that I want to educate myself to the best of my ability so that when I do decide to have a family that my children won't have to worry about trivial things, that could have been avoided had I better prepared myself. I've visited this topic before, but it's something that I still struggle with. As a woman approaching her 30's, who has a few more years before I complete my master's degree, realistically speaking, that puts me at having my first child at 32-33. That's not how I saw it happening, but life happens. Things change right? To have a child or to pursue a higher education (sans baby love). Crossroads.
I could go on to be quite honest but by now you get the picture. Back to Ms. Bridget Kelly and how her song inspired this post. The key thing that stood out to me was "YOU" better not eff this up. It's an ongoing theme in my life, where I attempt to take responsibility for my actions and the choices I make. Ya know? Accountability and all that jazz. Sometimes I succeed and sometime I fail but I do try.Although the things I mentioned are decisions that constantly gnaw at me, the beauty of it all is knowing that the outcome depends on me.
Whatever decisions I make, will determine where I'm going and I better not eff it up. One way or the other is not what messes it up, it's what you do once the decision is made. I still navigating my way through but one things for sure and two things are for certain, I'm staying focused on a what I want, and what I believe and as long as I continue to do that, I think I have a pretty good shot at not effing it up.