Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Know Your Role
Ever since Facebook changed it's structure, there's always some interesting picture that pops onto my newsfeed. This one in particular caught my eye because it not only appealed to female emotions that I'm powerless to control, due to the estrogen than flows through whatever vessels it does. But also because I think most women would agree with this. I say most because not all women have a problem with being subservient or getting the proverbial short end of the stick. But for the portion of us that actually want to be revered, and respected, and loved in a way that is equal (and if we're lucky superior lol) to our partners, is reciprocity too much to ask? I don't think so.
A few weeks ago my mother ran into Demetria Lucas, Essence relationships editor and author of "A Belle In Brooklyn", at Circle of Sisters. Being the sweetheart she is, knowing that her daughter is a budding writer she bought a copy of the book and got it signed for yours truly. Nevermind the fact, that Lucas' blog was one of the reasons I got the courage to start my own. I always knew that writing was a passion of mine, but whoever thinks that a passion can actually be a career? Courageous people do, and as much as I'm a dreamer, I'm also practical. But anyway, I digress. I cracked open the book as soon as I got a minute and continued to do so until I was through. It had a lot of jewels, but one in particular that sang to me! You hear me? SANG to me! *in the countriest voice you can imagine*
Long story short, she had a problem with cooking for a man AND serving his plate. She thought it "reeked of servitude". I thought about it briefly as I took a break from reading to ponder that. Why would she have a problem with that? It's what women do. I actually like serving my man. Makes me feel good. But that's me, and I was reading about her. I went back to reading. She told her male friend, who'd just gotten married, her issue and he told her that a man should be granted things like a cooked meal and an ironed shirt, if and only if, he's deserving and does the things his woman requires. Of course she said it a little more eloquently, but I only tell the story to drive home a point.
I find that a man can want all the benefits of being THE Man, but he may not feel like he has to uphold his end of the bargain. Personally, I don't mind cooking a meal, or ironing a shirt every now and again. Folding up your boxers before I put them in the drawer, if that's your thing. But a dude should have to hold up his end of the deal too. They call relationships a two way street for a reason. Some men want that 50's marriage but they forget what the husbands did back then real easily. That part somehow becomes irrelevant. How men went to work everyday and made sure their wives were well taken care of. Wives didn't have to work AND be a homemaker. But it seems, though the male roles have changed ours it supposed to stay the same? It just ain't adding up to me. Does it make sense to you?
To be honest, I do believe women have roles to play. But it can't be one sided or uneven. An equal partnership seems to be the only way to go to me. Anything else just won't do for the kid. One person can't be the only one benefiting from a relationship. Well any relationship that I'm in. I don't have a problem with doing my womanly duties; I'll play my part. But when someone says know your role, they better know theirs too.