Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Know Your Role


Ever since Facebook changed it's structure, there's always some interesting picture that pops onto my newsfeed. This one in particular caught my eye because it not only appealed to female emotions that I'm powerless to control, due to the estrogen than flows through whatever vessels it does. But also because I think most women would agree with this. I say most because not all women have a problem with being subservient or getting the proverbial short end of the stick. But for the portion of us that actually want to be revered, and respected, and loved in a way that is equal (and if we're lucky superior lol) to our partners, is reciprocity too much to ask? I don't think so.


A few weeks ago my mother ran into Demetria Lucas, Essence relationships editor and author of "A Belle In Brooklyn", at Circle of Sisters. Being the sweetheart she is, knowing that her daughter is a budding writer she bought a copy of the book and got it signed for yours truly. Nevermind the fact, that Lucas' blog was one of the reasons I got the courage to start my own. I always knew that writing was a passion of mine, but whoever thinks that a passion can actually be a career? Courageous people do, and as much as I'm a dreamer, I'm also practical. But anyway, I digress. I cracked open the book as soon as I got a minute and continued to do so until I was through. It had a lot of jewels, but one in particular that sang to me! You hear me? SANG to me! *in the countriest voice you can imagine*

Long story short, she had a problem with cooking for a man AND serving his plate. She thought it "reeked of servitude". I thought about it briefly as I took a break from reading to ponder that. Why would she have a problem with that? It's what women do. I actually like serving my man. Makes me feel good. But that's me, and I was reading about her. I went back to reading. She told her male friend, who'd just gotten married, her issue and he told her that a man should be granted things like a cooked meal and an ironed shirt, if and only if, he's deserving and does the things his woman requires. Of course she said it a little more eloquently, but I only tell the story to drive home a point.

I find that a man can want all the benefits of being THE Man, but he may not feel like he has to uphold his end of the bargain. Personally, I don't mind cooking a meal, or ironing a shirt every now and again. Folding up your boxers before I put them in the drawer, if that's your thing. But a dude should have to hold up his end of the deal too. They call relationships a two way street for a reason. Some men want that 50's marriage but they forget what the husbands did back then real easily. That part somehow becomes irrelevant. How men went to work everyday and made sure their wives were well taken care of. Wives didn't have to work AND be a homemaker. But it seems, though the male roles have changed ours it supposed to stay the same? It just ain't adding up to me. Does it make sense to you?

To be honest, I do believe women have roles to play. But it can't be one sided or uneven. An equal partnership seems to be the only way to go to me. Anything else just won't do for the kid. One person can't be the only one benefiting from a relationship. Well any relationship that I'm in. I don't have a problem with doing my womanly duties; I'll play my part. But when someone says know your role, they better know theirs too.


Tasha said...

So true Miss. White it's seems like our role supposed to stay the same generation after generation but the man role change. Back in the 20s 30s etc the man work and woman took care of home. Now we work and take care of home... I know in my relationship 50/50 means 50/50. Like u said I know my role as long as you know yours

MISS WHITE said...

Pretty much! Thanks for reading and commenting!

Hannah said...

First I have to say hey to my friend ne-ne boo.. lol.. love the article, and I am defiently a woman who does not mind the cooking and washing and etc every now and again! Although many woman want that 50\50 but end up getting 90\10 and that 90 being from the womans end. I been that 90 and never again will that happen giving all that I had to give in me but my soul, next time I wil make sure my relationship is a two way street it will never work of both paries don't know their role with one another

MISS WHITE said...

Thanks Boo! Thanks for reading it and taking the time to leave a comment. Sometimes you have to go through it to get it. But better then than now b/c those lessons made you who you are today. Xoxo

Anonymous said...


I love this NeNe...and i concur. Especially when it comes to both parties in the relationship knowing/carrying out their particular role. I enjoy cooking and caring for my man in a relationship. Cleaning??....uhmmm, that's when i agree with Locas ---> "it reeeks of servitude." For this same reason I refrain from me it merely connotes a lifetime of peonage (on the females part.)ie: man buys cake mix, woman bakes cake,serves it to man, man eats cake, woman cleans up after man eats cake...THE END. Nah, i can't deal lol

MISS WHITE said...

I'm not even gonna front like I didn't have to go look up peonage lol. But it's all good. School me hunni!

I never knew that you looked at marriage like that. Interesting. This post argued that servitude is exactly what a relationship should not consist of. For peonage to occur, that would mean lack of equality. And we have already established...that just won't do!

Thanks for reading and commenting! And giving me my word of the day lol