Saturday, July 2, 2011

Homie, Lover, Friend - Is Your Boo Your Bestie??


One thing about me is I know who I rock with and I keep my circle small. My boo happens to be my ace boon coon. He can never fill the role my girls do, but I can talk to him about anything.  I can talk to him about how fine Idris Elba is and how he could most definitely "get it". I can talk to him about those new stilettos I want 'cause he likes to picture how they'll look on me when I strut around for him. I can even talk to him about my insecurities like my struggles with my ever fluctuating weight and the next to skimpy dresses (but always classy) I would like to wear if I so chose. That's my bestie for real!

I'm not gonna front, I let go of that "best friend" notion a few years ago. Remember back in the day, how every other year you had a new "best friend"? Or maybe that was just me *shrugs*. To say "best" implies one is better than another. As I've gotten older, I've realized that no friend trumps another. Do we share more things with some rather than others? Sure. But that just means everything ain't for everybody. Another thing I've picked up along the way.

I know I sound like a walking contradiction...I don't do best friends, but my boo is my bestie. That's exactly what I'm asking though...should your boo be your bestie? Or should you stick to your girls/boys?


A few weeks back, actually the same day I met Shonda, I went out for Sushi with some friends. We got into a convo about friends and relationships. My friend was surprised when I said,

"I have to be able to be friends with my partner, but I don't necessarily think that friends always make good partners."

She clearly misunderstood because she said,

"I have to be able to be friends with the person I'm with."

Didn't I just say that?

But then she really threw me for a loop when she said,

"I think I could be partners with most of my friends. If I could be your friend, most likely I could be your lover."

Hmmph. Interesting.

She's not a lesbian by any means (or atleast not to my knowledge because she has been known to be a try-sexual). She just meant to imply that she looks for the same qualities in friends, that she looks for in lovers. I wondered if she was the only one who thought like that, and then quickly realized she couldn't be.

Me personally? I'm a lot to deal with in a relationship. We all are. We all have our baggage and quirks, but with friends, you listen to one another and be there for each other as much as possible. At the end of the day though, we all go home to our own houses. Them with their quirks and baggage, and me with mine. They're friends. And as much as we support each other, I don't think we provide that same sort of comfort that a lover can. A bestie can. I can be real and say that I keep a lot of personal things to myself because sometimes, talk hurts more than it helps. But when I need them, my friends are there and that's all I could ever ask for. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world, but that doesn't mean I could be bedfellows with them, or share my deepest, darkest secrets.

But your boo?? Your boo should be that person. That homie lover friend (to take a page out of R.Kelly's songbook). Your boo should be able to provide what friends may not be able to. That ear you need after a long day of work where your boss pissed you off. That male/female perspective when you need some insight. That shoulder you need to cry on when you're having a mini breakdown (I've been known to have my share). That person that pushes your buttons more than you thought was possible, but somehow you still love them more than you thought was possible. Your boo. Your bestie.

What say you? Should your boo and your bestie be one in the same?


Anonymous said...

Long before he was my husband, he was my friend. Like you Miss White my circle is small an d while I adore my girls, the can NEVER fill the role of him, my homie, lover, husband!

I've found that I am very selective in what I share b/c those that are not in a loving relationship can sometimes have anomosity.

To answer your question, if you mate is not your bestie, then its a matter of time before the relationship self destructs.

MISS WHITE said...

Thanks for reading and for your comment! I agree. Everybody has their roles to play and friends nor lovers can fill the others shoes.

nett said...

that is me and my boo all the way , he always tell me how im his soul mate and how i am his best friend, i didnt believe he was serious until i actually heard him tell his mother that im his best friend and that he's gonna marry me, but i def do feel like he is my everything and we can talk about anything.

MISS WHITE said...

When a man tells his mama that he's gonna marry you in front of you, I'd say that's pretty big. I think everybody should feel like they can talk to their partner about anything. Glad u can. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Jessica said...

I honestly can say the my Husband is my best friend. I think that sometimes in relationships we skip the friendship part and just become lovers. The friendship is what makes the relationship.
However, us as woman need our fellow girlfriends around. We need to be able to step out of the mommy and wifey role and let our hair down and just kick it with out besties. There are somethings that you can discuss with your girls that you should not discuss with your man.

MISS WHITE said...

"Sometimes in relationships we skip the friendship part and just become lovers. The friendship is what makes the relationship."

Love this! Thanks for reading and commenting!

Anonymous said...

I adore my fiance but i perfer her to talk to her friends about certain things like gossip. I cant stand it with a passion and at first it bothered her but now she understands. I am her best friend and she is my bestfriend but she definatly needs her girls as i need my homies.

MISS WHITE said...

I agree with you! Friends are're man/girl should not be everything. I believe in having a life outside of a relationship. And to be quite honest, to me...gossiping is a female trait so I can digg that! Even with that said tho, you still consider each other best friends and that's what matters! Thanks for reading and commenting!