Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Temptation?? Is It Really Killing You or Are You Just Soft???


*I know I took it way back

I know you see me watching you
And I see you watching me
Cause boy your body's callin'
And temptation is killin me

Temptation can be a b*tch, can't it? Even still, it's nice to know that we have some control over our indulgences. Speaking as one half of a long term relationship, I'd say that temptation will always be there. It's just a matter of taking on a "look but don't touch" sort of attitude.

My dude was going out of town to none other but the dreaded, and cliched Miami Beach for Urban Beach Week, aka where Black people go to act a fool on Memorial Day. When he told me, I didn't have any qualms about it. As a matter fact, I used it as an opportunity to have one of my girls come into town, so we could do our own thing. I had jokes of course because well, who still does that?? But other than that I was cool. When people started asking me about my Memorial Day Weekend plans, I got a whole lot of "You not going with him?" or "What you gon be doing?".


First and foremost, I don't sh*t where I sleep, and secondly I don't need for the cat to go away for me to play. I wouldn't do anything I don't have any business while my man is away. And if he did, that would be on him. With that said though, with temptation being what it is, how do we hold off on our impulses??

It's simple. Stop being soft.


Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking about monogamy and how normal, or perhaps abnormal, it is. I'm not sure I'm sold on it to be quite honest. More people cheat than don't, as evidenced by statistics and declining marriage success rates. Knowing that, I wondered, does that make the cheater abnormal, or the standard set by a monogamous relationship? I concluded that monogamy isn't the issue. Keeping it real is. In most normal instances, there are no guns being held to anyone's head forcing them to commit. If there is, I'd say that's your first problem. Being in a committed relationship should be consensual. When it no longer is, it's probably time to do like Chris Brown and chuck them deuces.

I see it like this: If a person is in a relationship and they want to see other people, saying they don't want to tell their partner, for fear of hurt feelings is a cop out. Their partner's feelings would most probably be more hurt, if they were to find out that they'd been betrayed or cheated on. The real fear, I believe, is leaving what you have, only to find out the grass isn't quite as green as you'd hoped it would be. People are often more afraid of doing what they really want to do, because they're scared of leaving their comfort zone. Hence the whole having the cake, and eating it too. Yet, I'd say the one you're committed to should be your cake. You should be able to figuratively have it and eat it too. Outside temptations are more like having cake, but wanting chips, pie, ice cream, and the whole shabang.

I'm not an advocate for settling. If you're not getting what you want from a relationship, and you see too many other appetizing things on the menu, maybe it's time you reconsidered whether or not you're in your relationship for the right reasons. Cheating and acting on impulses is not only an infraction on the other person but also on one's self. Wanting out of a relationship to explore other options isn't an indication that a person lacks integrity. Smiling in your partner's face, while seeking out other alternatives is. If temptation is killing you, and you feel the need to act on it, maybe it's not temptation. Could be you're just soft.

Speak on it. Do you agree or disagree??


yva said...

Thank you sooo much for revisiting this topic, it's like you've been reading my mind!!! I was actually thinking about this subject (monogamy, fidelity, relationships)two nights ago, and I thought about you. Well specifically how you dealt with your significant other's absence. As well as my feelings towards this long distance situation that I am increasingly becoming involved in.

As it relates to me, about a couple of nights ago I was lying down in bed doing some self reflection and analyzing my feelings toward the guy that I recently met and have been seeing. I was thinking about all the wonderful traits that he possesses, how attractive he is, ambitious, and how I could envision myself possibly settling down him as a life partner.

However, in the back of my mind, I heard this nagging voice, and I could feel the doubt slowly creeping in. I couldn't help but think how would I fare against temptation??? What if I met someone as complimentary, sexy, driven and that wasn't so far away. Would I abandon reason, discipline (the things I pride myself on) and succumb to these impulses, or would I stay strong and maintain the commitment that I pledged to this individual.

I am not sure If it's a matter of being soft but rather I think honesty with oneself, and knowing what you really want. Alot of times people convince themselves that they want or are ready for a monogamous relationship when in fact they want to play the field, or to refer to your analogy they want to sample everything off the dessert menu. Quite often people let curiousity get the best of them or actually think the grass is denser or more lush or the other side. Sadly however, it is only in retrospect that they realize that they were mistaken but then it's already too late.

In being completely honest with myself, I know what I am getting myself into. A long distance relationship requires a level of patience, self control, and sacrifice in order to make it work. I think the guy that I've been seeing is worth this, and it wouldn't be fair to him, or myself to put my hand in the cookie jar whenever I have a craving for sweets.

I know from experience that everything that glitters isn't gold and karma is surely a b*tch that I try not to meet too often lol. That for me is enough to keep me in check when temptation rears its head.

MISS WHITE said...

Thank YOU for reading and expressing your feelings on the topic.

It sounds to me like you have it figured out and you will do what's best.

What's soft to me is not being real with your partner. Temptation is normal, we're human but before it's acted upon...a conversation, at the very least, should be had.