Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I'm Still Confused: Can Attractive Men and Women Be "Just Friends"?

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For some reason this age old question is still relevant: Can Attractive Men and Women Be "Just Friends"?

Let me tell you a little something about me: I'm not the type of girl that runs around here screaming every man is fine aka "a shorty". For me to classify you as a shorty you need a few things and I find most men lacking. Fellas, if you're reading this, by no means am I saying this to say that I'M your definition of a "shorty". If I'm not, that's cool but quite frankly you may not be my standard either. I say that to say, if you are what I would consider a "shorty", friendship just probably isn't in the cards for us. "Shorties" try to befriend me all the time and I often tell 'em, I ain't really in the market for any new "friends" right about now.

Yet sometimes I'm also often left wondering: Am I cutting off potential friends using the mindset of a close-minded individual that assumes most men want to be my "friend" with the hopes that we'll end up being more? More like bedroom buddies? Or am I just being realistic and taking these dudes at face value, knowing that they want to be my friend for as long as it takes for them to get in my panties? Which leads me to my conclusion...Friends? Pish tosh! You only wanna be my friend until I have a momentary lapse and then BOOM...you got me (or you got them)! Guess what? I'm good. I got enough friends.

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Now I have to be real here (as is the point of this blog). Every male friend that I have started out as being attracted to me. I'm not trying to beep my own horn, but in the words of Vivica A. Fox in "Two Can Play That  Game", uuuhhh Beep Beep. Any woman on the better side of "she's aight" can relate to the chase and the feeling of being some man's acquisition. An acquisition doesn't even mean you've given up the draws, it could just mean that you've given a dude the time of day. I know, for me, once I've given you the time of day the law of averages is in your favor. But the "time of day" means what exactly? Some conversation? Some introspection? And then what??? We end up being...friends? I don't know about ya'll, but for me friends of the opposite sex go only so far. Furthermore, when you're in a relationship there's only so far that you can let a new "friend" in. On top of that, even if you do want to let them in further, respect and reverence for your partner may stagnate the "friendship".

Which brings me back to the question that begins this debate...if ya homeboy looks like Biggie, most likely ya'll good. But if he looks like Idris Elba or Michael Ealy, Houston, Dallas, AND Austin may have a problem.

What say you? Can attractive men and women be friends? Or are we all just kidding ourselves?

9 comments:

Gabe said...

nope steve harvey said it best at least on the man's side anytime he takes interest in a female its because on some physical level he is attracted to her now the relationship might not go past that but to think that there is nothing there but this friendship is naive

MISS WHITE said...

Thanks for the feedback! You're a man so I'll defer to you on a male's intentions, but I don't think just because someone is attracted to another means they can't be interested in a genuine friendship with them.

Oni said...

I agree to a certain extent. At some point in time most of the male friends I have were attracted to me at one point but we both came to the conclusion that nothing more will ever blossom so friends are all we will ever be. But now that i have a military perspective on male friends my opinion has slightly changed. When ur in a unit with a diverse group of people u tend to gravitate towards those who are similar to u physically..oh hell no need to b PC.. most of the time all the black people hang together and become good friends. It has nothing to do with attractiveness but just the fact ur hundreds of miles from home and u find someone u click with.

MISS WHITE said...

Thanks for reading and thanks for your comment!

Lol @ "no need to be PC". No need to be PC is right! I appreciate your candor and your perspective. When I look at it like that, I would agree that people tend to stick with who they know aka are most comfortable with. It's like the invisible line in the lunch room that divides the blacks from every other ethnicity. You may not see it but you know it's there.

Thanks for this fresh outlook!

Sash said...

Yup, after it's been considered, attempted and understood that ain't nothin' poppin'! Lol

MISS WHITE said...

Word!! Agreed! lol

Anonymous said...

Lots of beneficial reading here, many thanks! I was searching on yahoo when I identified your article, I’m going to add your feed to Google Reader, I look forward to far more from you.

MISS WHITE said...

Thanks for reading! Appreciate it!

rastamike said...

I feel an attractive man could be friends with a attractive woman but there must be some maturity on both peoples part. There must be that been there done that on both peoples experiences, but im not going to fib and say a man didn't think about it.. Also professionalism,character and God. To be in the company of beautiful people attracts its fair share of other perks too not just sexual, so having a attractive female or male friend could benefit each other mutually. Presentation is better than frustrating it with a relationship. Lord knows opposites attract and sometimes TWO attractive people only leads to disaster. Too many looking in the mirror..