You ever fall out with someone and everyone else seems more broken up about it than you are? You try to muster up some semblance of emotion but it just isn't there? A few months ago, I mused about the ending of a friendship (check it HERE) and how it's probably the closest thing to an actual break up. That's when you really care about the relationship and you mourn its loss. Yet there are those times when you're just like, "Ahh well.*shrugs* Ya win some ya lose some." It's like when a friend breaks up with a guy you like. You really like the guy and you kinda wish, if nothing else, your friend remains friendly with dude so at the very least if you see him in the street you could chat it up, and not feel like a traitor. Yet if you you can't...it was nice knowing dude.
The other day I was at some restaurant that had one of those Chinese zodiac sign charts on the paper menu/place mat. Mine happens to be the Rat (Ew!). A part of the description read: Seldom makes lasting friendships. I can't front, that gave me a little pang. Firstly, because I consider it to be true of myself. Secondly, I had to wonder does that say more about me or the people I choose to befriend. Pretty much, either way you slice it, it's a reflection on my skills of determining people's character. That didn't really sit too well with me.
I've never been a clique type girl. I've always had a right hand. From the time I was in the first grade stealing other people's box juices with my little first grade wing woman, up until now when I call maybe one girlfriend to share my personal business with. That's just me (another notable Rat fact is that we give good advice but rarely unload our own problems onto others). Yet, every time I've fallen out with someone, it's been with one of these "right hands". Things that make you go "Hmmm". Makes me wonder. I could liken it to one of those "It's not you it's me" spiels. It's me because my tolerance for your nonsense has reached it's peak. It's you because either you're not growing, or I just can't get with what you've grown into. You've been there I'm sure. It's when you're at the point where you don't have a long drawn out explanation for it. You're just simply done. It's just...over.
I was choppin' it up with a girlfriend the other day. We were talking about a friend of hers that she'd fallen out with a few months prior. I tell her: "I'm still holding out hope for ya'll." Her lack of response told me she wasn't too broken up about it. It's not that my friend has any ill intent in her heart for said former friend. She's just...done. I've been there. The same goes for relationships. As most women with a little more experience will tell you, "When you know, you know". Unfortunately, there just come those times where you realize if you can take or leave someone, maybe they're just better off where they are.
I'm reminded of a time when I came home to NY to visit from Atlanta. I went to hang out with one of my "right hands" from high school. She was one of those out to get whatever was in the deal for her type of people. She didn't have the best reputation as far as boys were concerned either and even my mother wasn't feeling her too tough. But she was my girl, and real talk I wasn't really stuntin' what anyone had to say about her. Anywho, on this visit home from ATL, I go to her house to chill with her and catch up. We get into some spat over a Scrabble game (yes you read that right), and she got a little reckless out the mouth. We'd had little tiffs in the past, but I was about 19 and you couldn't tell me I wasn't grown. As petty as the Scrabble game was, for me it was the straw that broke the camel's back. So, at 2:30 in the morning I called a cab, went home and pretty much cut her off. She called me a few times to apologize and possibly rekindle the friendship but I was just done.
Sometimes you just outgrow people and things. It may even seem a little cold blooded but at the end of the day (yes I just used the most over used phrase of 2011 thus far) if we're not headed in at least a parallel direction, the relationship just isn't going to work. We often keep people around out of habit, but if we're not helping each other progress, what are we doing?