Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What Your Parents Don't Know CAN Hurt Someone Else

The other day I was talking to my father and he tells me: "You aint gon believe what your little sister did!"

Because this is what can be described as a personal blog, I try to steer clear of telling other people's stories but this one is universal.  Little sis, if you're reading, my bad for putting you on blast, but YOU need to hear this, as well as parents who are living in a denial filled, Disney Channel, Hannah Montana dimension.  This aint it!  This right here is real life, and it's usually the ones closest to you that betray your trust. A lot of times it starts when a child betrays a parent's trust.  My first experience with betrayal was when an incident happened between myself and a classmate/friend in second grade, and I came to school the next day and our whole lil' clique called themselves "not speaking to me" ('Member that?).  Yes...I said second grade.  The mean girls club starts early.  I can also recall a time, later in Junior High School when a similar situation happened, yet this time, they were speaking to me, just keeping something from me.

I don't profess to be a perfect person but one thing I do know is that I'm loyal, as I've said before, possibly to a fault.  In the past, when I've felt betrayed or as if my business was put out there, the offending party countered with, "Can you honestly say, you've never told someone's business?". Ummmm I'm gonna go with nah.  Have I gossiped about folks before? Sure.  But when I refer to  telling someone business, I'm talking about when someone confides in me with something they trust me with, and I just run off at the mouth (one of my favorite sayings btw).  Running off at the mouth, 'specially 'bout my business, will get you a one way ticket out of my life.  If I can' trust you I can't ___ with you. I hope my sis doesn't feel the same 'cause I'm sure about to tell hers.  The difference is ya'll don't know her, and this could help someone right? But I digress, on to the topic at hand...


Daddy: "I got a funny story for you."

Me: "I got one for you too."

Daddy: "I bet mine in funnier."

Me: "Ok, you go first."

Daddy: "You aint gon believe what your little sister did!"

Mine was about my Nightmare At The Showcase (check it HERE), it could wait.  His was about how my sister lost her rabbit ass mind.  In short, homegirl took our other sister's car (a BMW might I add), with no license/permit to speak of, and went to a boy's house, at some wee hour of the night while our other sister slept soundly, (I'm assuming) trying to get over her bent. I should say, that my sis is about to be 16 and most people know that if you're a female, that's about the time when you lose your rabbit ass mind.  I know I did.  When I got my first lil taste of freedom, and what it meant to be a sought after female, I started smelling my tail.  My mother was none too happy, but did I care?  Hell no.  I was a teenager.  I knew everything!

My mother used to tell me to come straight home after school. Did I? No. She used to tell me to stop hanging out with older boys (really men, who were in their early 20's and I was probably on the cusp of 17). Did I? No.  She told me to start acting like the daughter she raised and not this new girl who she could barely look at. Did I? Of course not.  Apparently, my father missed all that 'cause he was seemingly shocked at the next part of our convo:

Me: "Daddy, by no means am I trying to make excuses for her but I was her age once and this is about that time."

Daddy: "Yeah but you aint never steal Mommy's green Honda did you?"

Me: "Ummm actually I did.

Daddy: "You did?!?!?!"

Yah, I did.  And honestly, at the time, I didn't even think it was a big deal.  If he wouldn't have brought it up that day, I likely would have never thought about it again.  The difference between her and I is that I was never caught.  But does that make my offense any less severe? Of course not.  What teenagers don't realize is that their parents fears and knowledge of the world go way farther than they could even imagine.  My father used to tell me when I was younger, "I forgot more than you know".  That used to really insult me.  But why?  Wasn't it true?  Possibly the realest $h*t he ever spoke.  But I knew everything remember? So how could that possibly be true?

I'm sorry to say, this is probably the same attitude lil sis is sashaying around with.  But what I would tell her is this: "Lil girl, you think you know but you have know idea." And yes, I would hit her with the condescending "lil girl", just 'cause I know how much it would piss me off at that age, and also to stress the fact that you ARE still a little girl.  You could be 22 and still be a little girl.  Some could look at me (or you), and the choices I've made and call me a little girl.  A lot of us are under this misconception that a certain age or milestone makes you a woman, but a lil heartbreak and being broken off a time or two does not a woman make.  What makes a woman is the responsible choices that we make, even when they're the harder ones.  What makes a woman is strong character and her ability to be who she truly is, and not what other's expect her to be.  What makes a woman is her willingness to take a stance in the face of what others may hold opposition to.  What makes a woman is her strength in doing not only what is right, but what is smart.

Lil sis did not act smartly.  She acted like me when I was that age and now that I'm not I can clearly say, that wasn't the move.  I can't help but wonder, if my parents had known about the car (and all the other dangerous things I did as a teenager), could they have stopped her from risking her life all for the sake of what? A midnight rendezvous with a boy (sorry Daddy if you're reading this but one way or the other it was a rendezvous) she most probably won't remember in 10 years. Probably not. But it would have better prepared them for how to handle such a matter.  She still may not realize her betrayal and the hurt and worry she caused her parents (The rate of deaths from car crashes in the state of Georgia is staggering. Take a LOOK), but I realize that by me keeping this lil adventure of mine a secret, it didn't prepare my father for the shrewdness of teenage girls and our willingness to do whatever we want, by any means necessary.

If there is one thing I would say to my lil sis, it would be: Be true to yourself always.  Don't get caught up in that teenage mindframe of knowing everything 'cause in all actuality, even I've forgotten more than you know.  Be more of a student than a teacher and always remember, good or bad, your parents want the best for you.  Also, remember that grown is not a label you can slap on when you feel like it. It's one of those things  you can show people better than you can tell them, and quite frankly, as long as you're living in their house, you aint grown, and that's a fact. So stop acting like it and start worrying about GROW-ing as opposed to GROWN.

To my father I'd say: "Remember that lady who told you that you lose your kids in high school?  Well you do.  But if you do your job well you WILL get them back. 10 fold!"

Hey...just look how I turned out ;-) (Doubt that's any consolation but it was worth a try.)

Any advice for little sis? Any experiences you had in your teen years you feel that you eventually learned from? Please feel free to chime in...


Father said...

Boy my baby girl not surprisingly has grown into a beautiful, intelligent woman. This might just be ur niche giving a sound perspective on everyday situations that many of us overlook or take for granted. I thank God for ur love and how you fulfill my life. K

MISS WHITE said...

*heart melts* Thank you Daddy for your love, support, and guidance. Who I am today is a direct reflection of the work you and Mommy put in. Thank YOU for how you fulfill my life, and I thank GOD every night for the blesssing you are. The Whites are a force to be reckoned with!

Sash said...

Awww! You White's are just too darn sweet! Miss White, you gave great perspective to your Daddy on how teens get carried away on the sly and good guidance to your baby sis that "done bumped her miggy figgy head"! These are the issues I ponder on as my baby girl moves into the teenager space (actually on Sunday). Staying hip to game, both old and new, as well as a realistic and effective guiding force is where I hope to dwell. I may have forgotten more than you know too Miss White, but this was a perfectly timed message on a subject that forces me to remember how fierce I was as a teen...parents gotta stay on our A game and remember that it could happen. :-O / :-)

MISS WHITE said...

Thanx Sash! I think it's so important to stay on top of your game and realize how fierce these teenagers can be. I'm sure you will stay aware and most importantly be that ear that she needs, so that she can avoid seeking answers from her friends and others who know possibly less than even she does. Thanks for the compliment and for reading as always! Happy Birthday to your baby girl and I wish you LOTS of luck in these years to come! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Wow...... that was awesome Ms. White... I read your blogs, but i rarely comment. You are definetly a force to-be reckoned with. Lol. Didn't know you stole my Honda also. I'm ever so grateful your little sister has a sister like you , who can give her sound advice from your experience as a teen. I think this comment will help a lot more other teens, who just so happen to have bumped their heads also. You are a blessing in my life, too. Thanks... it feels good to see the fruits of my labor. All the best to you, with your writing. Keep it coming. I'm hooked.

MISS WHITE said...

Thanx Mommy! I'm glad you didn't know I took your car 'cause who's to say I would have lived to tell about it! Lol. I can't even begin to thank you for all the individual things you've done for me. So I'll just say thanks for always being there for me and for your continuous love and support!