Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Forget Buying The Cow! He Got The Milk & He Aint Even Drinking It!

Reactions: 


For a long time, there was a running joke between my mother and I over a line that she repeated for almost a whole year. When she turned 40, anything she wasn't too unabashed to admit or anytime she asserted herself, or nipped something in the bud that in the past she wouldn't have, she'd say, "I don't know if it's 'cause I'm 40 now but...". I'm hoping that I don't have to wait until I'm 40 to feel that self assured and quite frankly I'm not sure I'll ever reach that point, but I do look forward to the day it happens, whenever it is. I'm in my mid twenties (more like late but I'm pushing it..so what!) and I still care what people think. Who's to say in 20 years I'll still be concerned? But one thing I do know is that I aspire not to be, especially when it comes to doing me. 

I always admire those women who can be described as free-thinking, free-spirited, 21st century "I do what I wanna do; Eff what everyone else says" types.  I wish I was, but I'm just not one of them.  If I'm honest, I haven't reached that point in my life. I'm just not built like that...yet.  I won't say all women aren't built like that because, well, who am I to say? But what I will venture to say is that many of us act like we are but really aren't even close.

Read More...


Case in point: I have a friend who's dating a guy.  The operative word here being "dating", and the noticeably absent word being "exclusively".  I find that women easily confuse dating with exclusivity and they are clearly different, yes? Clearly, it's not so clear.  Anyway, back to my friend.  This guy has admitted to seeing not 1 but 2 other women.  Granted, he's entitled, but juggling not only three women, but three atiitudes, three personalities, and most likely 3 muffins makes him one of two things: a better man than most or a man who's seriously lacking in atleast one of these relationships. I'm gonna go with the latter. In this particular case, as is often the case, it seems my friend is the one who's benefitting the least from the deal. She cleans (I should add it's her home but I'm sure she likes to keep it nice and tidy for her male company), she cooks (she's been known to cook full meals when he comes in at the wee hours of the night), and she waits patiently for him to break her off when HE feels like it.

When she first explains to me their "arrangement" it seems a little off to me, but again, let's remember...I just aint built like that.  She tells me that she's fine with their "relationship", but I can't help but wonder if she's being honest...with herself?  I'm reminded of a saying that says, "A piece of man is better than no man at all" and I wonder if this logic holds true here.  I can't lie and say that companionship doesn't feel good, but at the expense of what?  A relationship like this should be mutually beneficial, but I can't help but feel like for some reason it's usually the woman who ends up getting the short end of the stick.  Why? Because most of us just aren't built like that.  Of course, there are those few women who march to the beat of their own drum and can sleep with various men and not get all caught up in feelings.  Some people know the difference between sex, companionship, friendship, and friends with benefits. But even those who know the difference get caught up in the blurry lines of it all. Yet, we still put ourselves out there to be taken advantage of all for the sake of what??? A companion, part-time mediocre lovin', a grocery or 2? That's all I got but there has to be more, right? Right?  Why else would we go through all of the relationship drama, without the relationship? I mean this takes the whole "why buy the cow when he has the milk for free?" to a whole 'nother level.

Buying the cow is the least of this dude's worries. I mean he already has the cow AND the free milk, yet he aint even drinking it!  Ladies??  This is a PSA!  Take it as you may! If you're one of those women who can dish it out as well as you can take it, my hat goes off to you, because you are definitely in the minority.  Those of us who are in the majority?? I'ma tell you like I told my homegirl: WE AINT BUILT LIKE THAT!

There's a reason that they say men and women are from two different planets, and that's because we are just that...different. We don't have the same make up that allows us to act like a man. If that was true, Beyonce and Ciara wouldn't have made millions talking to women about how they wish they were "like a boy". You may act like a boy all you want, but all in all, you're not. So be the lady you are and tell that dude that aint benefitting you in the least to kick rocks. Or at the very least, go drink someone else's milk for free!

10 comments:

wendell said...

honestly ms white I understand where you're coming from with the post but I disagree. The cow, free milk saying is a popular one but I have a more popular, more truthful one, "nothing on earth is free" trust me dealing with any woman at any capacity is any thing but duty free. Maybe for all the wonderful things your friend does there are other things that are lacking, in those situations the milk is not free they are just going dutch. Your friend needs to understand that in a world where cows are the majority of the population the milk is on sale! Dont tell her to lock the milk away tell her to warm that milk, put some chocolate in that milk, add some ice cream and make a milk shake because cows that think there milk special just because its thier milk wind up at the slaughter house

MISS WHITE said...

LMAO! Thanks for the male perspective. I was simply saying that the deal should be mutually beneficial and if it's not...then take your goods and go. I definitely see your point tho! Thanks for reading and for commenting!

Anonymous said...

Does your friend love herself? A piece of man is better than no man is bull$hit. No real woman would stand for that. She lying to herself if she feels that acceptable then god bless her because she's destined for disaster. A man is not going to respect you more than you respect yourself. I give it up to the dude because he is honest. Homeboy is going run your friend into the ground so get your shoulder and tissues ready, Heartbreak Hotel in on next.

MISS WHITE said...

First, let me say thank u for reading and thank u for your comment. Secondly, my friend does love herself, and she also has people that love her (including me). As do a lot of women who find themselves sacrificing their wants and needs for those of someone else. For instance, a mother who does nothing but give give give but can't find the time to show her self some attention. It isn't the love and self esteem question that was being explored here. It was the reality of living in a man's world, playing by a man's rules when we're actually not men at all. He was honest definitely. I respected that. She respected that. But the question is could she handle it? Or could any of us that fall into that majority? That's for her to answer. But my answer for myself would be no. Clearly, so would yours.

Memra said...

No, women shouldn't submit to being played, or remain with men who can't make commitments.

But society as a whole sets standards too low. Men will try to get as much as we can get. That appears to be our nature. But women still have the locks and the keys. Or should.

MISS WHITE said...

Thanks for reading and for your comment! Agreed. We should have the key but we can relinquish it too freely. You said "men will try to get as much as we can get", and that's true for most people. It goes back to the old adage, people will only do what you allow them to. So why do we take shorts when we know we deserve more? I'm still figuring it out.

deedee said...

I am finally freeing myself from a one way relationshp with a guy I gave the milk to who refuses to commit to a deeper connection. I'm can't believe I wasted 2 years. This guy was a total passive agressive too. Once I took sex off the table ...he initially applauding my establishing standards, only to stop communicating with me completely. (I've refrained from calling him as well 19 days and counting)

Anyhoo, my comment is to Miss White in regard to her friend loving herself. I think she loves herself... just not enough!! and that is the problem. She's clearly not satisfied with herself and looking at the guy to fill/correct/improve/etc some kind of void in her life. She really should spend some time finding contentment in being alone, or if you meet someone... just don't have sex. It spoils everything!! Without the sex, you can actually enjoy the person's company and make him either crazy for you or make him move on from you quickly and you don't have to waste time. Time is the key word here... Life is too short to hitch your wagon to someone that doesn't make you truly happy!!! Love God and you will love yourself.

MISS WHITE said...

Thanks for reading and commenting! I'm happy you freed yourself from a situation that you weren't benefitting from! Kudos!

I love and respect your comment and I agree wholeheartedly. I'm glad to say that my friend left that zero alone lol. Loving yourself enough is hard when you're looking for something that you aren't getting. Wasting time is for the birds so I'm happy she was able to move on. As I'm happy for you!

The Visionary Butterfly said...

I enjoyed reading this post. Wendell's comment is priceless.

MISS WHITE said...

Thanks for reading! I hope you come back! His comment was real talk if I've ever heard it! lol