Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Forget Buying The Cow! He Got The Milk & He Aint Even Drinking It!
For a long time, there was a running joke between my mother and I over a line that she repeated for almost a whole year. When she turned 40, anything she wasn't too unabashed to admit or anytime she asserted herself, or nipped something in the bud that in the past she wouldn't have, she'd say, "I don't know if it's 'cause I'm 40 now but...". I'm hoping that I don't have to wait until I'm 40 to feel that self assured and quite frankly I'm not sure I'll ever reach that point, but I do look forward to the day it happens, whenever it is. I'm in my mid twenties (more like late but I'm pushing it..so what!) and I still care what people think. Who's to say in 20 years I'll still be concerned? But one thing I do know is that I aspire not to be, especially when it comes to doing me.
I always admire those women who can be described as free-thinking, free-spirited, 21st century "I do what I wanna do; Eff what everyone else says" types. I wish I was, but I'm just not one of them. If I'm honest, I haven't reached that point in my life. I'm just not built like that...yet. I won't say all women aren't built like that because, well, who am I to say? But what I will venture to say is that many of us act like we are but really aren't even close.
Case in point: I have a friend who's dating a guy. The operative word here being "dating", and the noticeably absent word being "exclusively". I find that women easily confuse dating with exclusivity and they are clearly different, yes? Clearly, it's not so clear. Anyway, back to my friend. This guy has admitted to seeing not 1 but 2 other women. Granted, he's entitled, but juggling not only three women, but three atiitudes, three personalities, and most likely 3 muffins makes him one of two things: a better man than most or a man who's seriously lacking in atleast one of these relationships. I'm gonna go with the latter. In this particular case, as is often the case, it seems my friend is the one who's benefitting the least from the deal. She cleans (I should add it's her home but I'm sure she likes to keep it nice and tidy for her male company), she cooks (she's been known to cook full meals when he comes in at the wee hours of the night), and she waits patiently for him to break her off when HE feels like it.
When she first explains to me their "arrangement" it seems a little off to me, but again, let's remember...I just aint built like that. She tells me that she's fine with their "relationship", but I can't help but wonder if she's being honest...with herself? I'm reminded of a saying that says, "A piece of man is better than no man at all" and I wonder if this logic holds true here. I can't lie and say that companionship doesn't feel good, but at the expense of what? A relationship like this should be mutually beneficial, but I can't help but feel like for some reason it's usually the woman who ends up getting the short end of the stick. Why? Because most of us just aren't built like that. Of course, there are those few women who march to the beat of their own drum and can sleep with various men and not get all caught up in feelings. Some people know the difference between sex, companionship, friendship, and friends with benefits. But even those who know the difference get caught up in the blurry lines of it all. Yet, we still put ourselves out there to be taken advantage of all for the sake of what??? A companion, part-time mediocre lovin', a grocery or 2? That's all I got but there has to be more, right? Right? Why else would we go through all of the relationship drama, without the relationship? I mean this takes the whole "why buy the cow when he has the milk for free?" to a whole 'nother level.
Buying the cow is the least of this dude's worries. I mean he already has the cow AND the free milk, yet he aint even drinking it! Ladies?? This is a PSA! Take it as you may! If you're one of those women who can dish it out as well as you can take it, my hat goes off to you, because you are definitely in the minority. Those of us who are in the majority?? I'ma tell you like I told my homegirl: WE AINT BUILT LIKE THAT!
There's a reason that they say men and women are from two different planets, and that's because we are just that...different. We don't have the same make up that allows us to act like a man. If that was true, Beyonce and Ciara wouldn't have made millions talking to women about how they wish they were "like a boy". You may act like a boy all you want, but all in all, you're not. So be the lady you are and tell that dude that aint benefitting you in the least to kick rocks. Or at the very least, go drink someone else's milk for free!