Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Regret Gets Exhausting...So Wake Up And Live!

This morning on the way in to work, I was listening to Miguel's "All I Want Is You" (obviously his album is in heavy rotation as evidenced by THIS previous post). For some reason, the line "Regret gets exhausting" stood out to me. Mainly, because it's true. Secondly, because it's profound. This wasn't the first time the lyric struck a chord with me, just the first time I was inspired to delve deeper. Recently, I've been having a lot of conversations with loved ones revolving around the fact that they aren't happy with where they are in life. I find that this is a relatable issue if I've ever heard one.

For me, it's happened 2 times in my life that I can actually put a finger on. Once was when I was around 22, and a lot of my friends were graduating from college and I was bartending in Atlanta, not feeling fulfilled at all. The second was when I was turning 25, and I started to think about, where I thought I should  be or would be by that age, and the fact that I wasn't even close. Around the same time, I started to relinquish any lingering feelings of inadequacy in relation to what others were doing. I began to realize that having goals and not meeting them is one thing. It's fine to be disappointed in your lack of success in certain ventures. But using the accomplishments of others as a measuring stick was indeed futile.


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Letters To My Unborn Child - Don't Cry Me A River; Make It Rain


Mommy raises you with an outlook that's reminiscent of the glass half full theory. There are those, we call pessimists, who choose to look at the glass as half empty. Those of us who are optimists choose to believe that although things may look bleak, the flipside of that is that the probability of things looking up is just as much of a possibility. There will be times when you feel things are so bad that you have limited options but baby trust Mommy when I tell you, there are always options. A long time ago, Mommy was taught the difference between being proactive and being reactive. It would only be right to share my lessons with you, love.

Being reactive, means that you wait for situations to happen, or possibly for them to boil over before you make a decision to do something about them. Being proactive is the exact opposite. It means that you plan the outcome of a situation and assess your options before letting it get out of control. Baby, the goal is to always be proactive. There will always be instances that are unforseeable but the ones that are, you have to make it your business to be in control of them. Always remember the serenity prayer and some notable lines that say "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference".


Thursday, February 17, 2011

You Can Bet That, Never Gotta Sweat That! Is Love A "Sure Thing"?


Love you like a brother
Treat you like a friend
Respect you like a lover
You could bet that
Never gotta sweat that

I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain
This love is a sure thing

Awwww well isn't that sweet?! Sounds good doesn't it? I'd wager that most women would just melt if their man uttered these words to them. We may be complex creatures but it's usually the simple things that get us where it counts. Sounds simple enough right? But when is it ever? People say that love is always supposed to feel good. I beg to differ. When you first fall in love, all of the things you see on TV and read in books often hold true: the buttterflies, the nervousness, the goofy smiling, the sweet gestures. Those are the things that occur when we're falling in love with a person. But being in love, and sustaining a relationship are two different things. A sustainable relationship takes hard work, and hard work isn't always pretty. With this in mind, when the going gets love a sure thing?


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

My Man? On A Scale From 1 To 10...What Are YOU???


Recently I was talking to my homeboy and his man about this girl we all know. In my opinion, she's a pretty girl. Would I say she's a "10"? Maybe not, but scaling is subjective, is it not? And actually, a 10 means perfect right? So if we accept that premise, there are no 10's out here. Not even Beyonce, who I considered a 10 until I realized that her legs don't jiggle not just 'cause she's in great shape, which she undeniably is, but because she wears tights to keep them thighs in check. She uses make-up to provide the illusion of a lack of stretch marks, and after watching her "I Am Sasha Fierce" Tour DVD, and the multiple close ups, I realized that, like me, one of her eyes is visibly smaller than the other. Now for me to ascertain all of this about a female that I pretty much considered the prototype for perfection (and my motivation to get this body tight), means that even those who we consider on the brink of impeccability are flawed in some capacity *Cue Bey's Flaws and All*.

So my homeboy says:

"What's up with ole girl?"

Me: "She chillin'. You got her number, call her."

Homeboy: "Yeah she bad."

His Man: "Son, she's not bad."

Homeboy: "How you figure? Yes she is."

His Man: "She's aight. I mean she's pretty in the face, but she aint bad."

All the while, I'm sitting there listening to them thinking: My Man? On A Scale From 1 To 10...What Are You???


Monday, February 14, 2011

My Perfect Valentine's Day

I'm going to start out by saying what most people say regarding this day...I'm not really big on Valentine's Day but still, Happy Valentine's Day! Don't get me wrong, I'm not all "Why do we need 1 day to show someone we love them? I show my lover I love them everyday" blah, blah, blah. It's not that. It's just that I've never had a mind blowingly romantic Valentine's Day, so quite frankly, it's not something I look forward to. Boo hoo for me. Yet, I do recognize that just like birthdays and Christmas, it is a day to make your special someone feel, well, special. The thing that gets me though, is that some people think it takes a lot to make someone feel special but really it doesn't. It doesn't take a lot of money or (rom)antics.  What it does take is thoughtfulness, and the last time I checked, that was free.


Friday, February 11, 2011

Consistency Is Key & Apparently I'm Locked Out

This week has been a rough one. Don't get me wrong...I'm happy to have seen another week but it was definitely an uphill battle.

Let's see:

Sunday - Was Superbowl Sunday. Went to a Wine Bar in the Stuy called Therapy (check it out if and when you can...dope lil chill out spot) to watch the game. Tried a new red wine (new to me because I'd never tried it nor heard of it) called Cagnina. After 2 glasses, I was borderline dozing off at the spot. The game wasn't that enticing to me so I kept it pushing right to the crib.

Monday - I don't know if it was the Cagnina or what but work was just not happening for me. Stayed home and tried to catch up on some rest and some reading.

Tues. & Wed. - Uneventful

Thursday - I got THE sick of all sick. What did I have to do? Call out of work again. Oh boy!


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Forget Buying The Cow! He Got The Milk & He Aint Even Drinking It!


For a long time, there was a running joke between my mother and I over a line that she repeated for almost a whole year. When she turned 40, anything she wasn't too unabashed to admit or anytime she asserted herself, or nipped something in the bud that in the past she wouldn't have, she'd say, "I don't know if it's 'cause I'm 40 now but...". I'm hoping that I don't have to wait until I'm 40 to feel that self assured and quite frankly I'm not sure I'll ever reach that point, but I do look forward to the day it happens, whenever it is. I'm in my mid twenties (more like late but I'm pushing what!) and I still care what people think. Who's to say in 20 years I'll still be concerned? But one thing I do know is that I aspire not to be, especially when it comes to doing me. 

I always admire those women who can be described as free-thinking, free-spirited, 21st century "I do what I wanna do; Eff what everyone else says" types.  I wish I was, but I'm just not one of them.  If I'm honest, I haven't reached that point in my life. I'm just not built like that...yet.  I won't say all women aren't built like that because, well, who am I to say? But what I will venture to say is that many of us act like we are but really aren't even close.


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What Your Parents Don't Know CAN Hurt Someone Else

The other day I was talking to my father and he tells me: "You aint gon believe what your little sister did!"

Because this is what can be described as a personal blog, I try to steer clear of telling other people's stories but this one is universal.  Little sis, if you're reading, my bad for putting you on blast, but YOU need to hear this, as well as parents who are living in a denial filled, Disney Channel, Hannah Montana dimension.  This aint it!  This right here is real life, and it's usually the ones closest to you that betray your trust. A lot of times it starts when a child betrays a parent's trust.  My first experience with betrayal was when an incident happened between myself and a classmate/friend in second grade, and I came to school the next day and our whole lil' clique called themselves "not speaking to me" ('Member that?).  Yes...I said second grade.  The mean girls club starts early.  I can also recall a time, later in Junior High School when a similar situation happened, yet this time, they were speaking to me, just keeping something from me.

I don't profess to be a perfect person but one thing I do know is that I'm loyal, as I've said before, possibly to a fault.  In the past, when I've felt betrayed or as if my business was put out there, the offending party countered with, "Can you honestly say, you've never told someone's business?". Ummmm I'm gonna go with nah.  Have I gossiped about folks before? Sure.  But when I refer to  telling someone business, I'm talking about when someone confides in me with something they trust me with, and I just run off at the mouth (one of my favorite sayings btw).  Running off at the mouth, 'specially 'bout my business, will get you a one way ticket out of my life.  If I can' trust you I can't ___ with you. I hope my sis doesn't feel the same 'cause I'm sure about to tell hers.  The difference is ya'll don't know her, and this could help someone right? But I digress, on to the topic at hand...