Thursday, December 9, 2010

Wait On People To Do What They Say and You May Wait Forever....

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Last night, I came home from school around 9ish.  Since it's literally brick a$$ (that's slang for ridiculously cold) in NY, I live in Brooklyn, and I have a man, I think it's only right that he meets me at the train station and walks me home.  He does.  We walk home as usual, discuss our respective days and nothing is amiss.  Now I should note that earlier in the day, we were discussing how WE couldn't wait for me to get home so we could get in some QT. 

When we come up to the house his right hand man is out front. All good.

He's like "Boo, I'll be in in a second".  Cool. 

The second, is actually about 5 minutes but then he comes in and says "Boo, I'll be back in a half hour.  I have to go pick up a beat." (He's a musician) 

Fine.  It's a half hour.  Still all good. 

At 11, he calls. I hear his boys in the background ki-ki-ing it up.  He's like I'm leaving here in 15 minutes.  I say ok but really I'm thinking "Did you not say 30 minutes?"  Maybe this seems petty, and granted it was no biggie but what ever happened to the days when people did what they said and said what they meant?

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First let me say, I'm an only child.  I'm not the type of only child that always wished for a brother or sister (although I do have siblings from my father that I love dearly, I mostly lived with my mother).  I'm perfectly comfortable with ME time.  Not a problem for me AT ALL.  Actually, to be quite honest, sometimes I go home hoping no one's there JUST so I can have a little time to do me.  Whether that's reading a book, catching up on my shows, blasting some music, or just plain staring at the ceiling.  Bottom line is, sometimes I need solitude.  Some people have a problem being alone, or enjoying time with themselves.  I am not one of those people.

That said, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people don't do what they say.  I realize that it's not ALWAYS possible to come through, but what's that they say about it's better to underpromise and overdeliver than the other way around? 

I try not to put myself in situations where my word will be compromised.  I'm old school in that my word means EVERYTHING to me, so putting it into question is not one of my fave things.  This entry isn't about what happened last night.  I just used that as a catalyst for a bigger issue.

In business, saying you can do something and not delivering can cost you the job aka the money.  Good business people understand this concept and therefore only do what they KNOW they can do.  Why is it that in life, people think they can get away with fudging a little bit?

I'll admit, I'm hard on people.  Life has taught me to be that way.  I've said before that there's a fine line between cynicism and skepticism that can easily be blurred.  Cynicism isn't really my thing in that I'm mostly a glass half full type of person, BUT a little bit of skepticism never really hurt anyone.  The benefit of the doubt is not something I give freely.  This is why if something is in my power to do, I do it.  I try not to get mad at other people when they don't come through because if the job doesn't get done, it's MY responsibility to follow through.  I can only get mad at myself for not being diligent enough to have a back up plan.  The reality is, at the end of the day, I depend on ME *cue Destiny's Child*.  And you should too.

I'm not saying we don't all need help, but at the same time we're responsible for the outcome of most situations that involve us.  You can't get mad at people for not delivering on something that YOU hold as important.  If it's important to YOU, make it happen.  Get it done.  We have to get off this idea that when people don't come through, we can blame them for our failure or deficiency.  I'm learning to do that and figured I'd share.

Back to last night.  He comes home, food in hand, super sweet. 

"Boo, you mad at me?"

"No."

"Yes you are. I'm sorry I just needed to *insert unnecessarily wordy explanation here*"

"It's not that you came in at this time.  I don't care.  It's the fact that YOU said a half hour and now here we are.  I'm not mad.  I'd just appreciate it if going forward you do what you say."

"Okay.  I'm sorry."

Crisis averted.  For last night.  But also a lesson learned.  Putting stock into words is a no go.  Action is what counts.  I saw a movie in class last night and the most important thing I took away from it is when the main character said, "Wait on people to do what they say and you'll wait forever". 

Forever is a long time...and I aint got it!
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2 comments:

Raashida said...

Wow once again girl, that one hit home. I feel so strongly about that also. I've learned in life through unfilled promises is only my fault on how I feel in the end. To give someone the benefit of the doubt is so over-rated to me, i've washed my hands with the idea in its self. So I def. feel you on this one. One of my saying is say what you mean and mean what you say. Brillant again nene!

MISS WHITE said...

Thanks a lot Shida! Glad u related. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and let them show me their true colors. Whether they be bright or dull...I just try not to be gullible. Thanks for ur comment, for reading, and commenting.