Thursday, November 18, 2010

What Has Your "Potential" Done for Me Lately?

"A woman often marries a man for his potential.  If women actually married men for who they were, there would be far less marriages." - Unknown

The other day I was browsing through the blogs online and I saw a post on Nelly and Ashanti over at  Check out the post HERE.  In the post, the blogger, talks about the status of Nelly and Ashanti's relationship/non-relationship.  She had an issue with the state of their status. She said "I just feel some kind of way watching a chick support a dude at all his ish (and him at hers every now and then)...and they constantly try feed us the okie doke.  And, even makes Ashanti look some type of way when even after years, a man not only doesn't claim you, but he publicly disclaims you. Just had to get that off my chest."  Ok.  There are so many things wrong with that statement.  If you'll notice, I bolded some key words.  Allow me to go in...

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Firstly, it always baffles me when people think they have the right to sit back and judge someone else's situation, talking about what THEY have a problem with.  Ha!  I'm sure we're all guilty of it to an extent but when you see people overdoing it it's like "Really?  What are you doing that makes your life so perfect?  I'm sure we could all use some lessons from you." 

I'll just start with the Nelly and Ashanti issue that I began with and we'll go from there.  I know bloggers are known for sitting behind their computers and pretty much dissecting and critiquing every bit of other people's lives, namely celebrities.  So there's no big surprise there.  What I do take issue with is the larger group of people who sit back and comment on everyone else's situation.  For instance, all the single ladies (cue Beyonce) and women in relationships alike, who sit back and comment on every aspect of their girlfriend's relationships with the "Girl, he aint no good ; you need to leave him." or the "He aint marry you yet, he never will".  Or the "He's not claiming her."  Huh? 

Who says he's not claiming her?  Or better yet, who says SHE wants to marry him?  If  a woman is seemingly in a situation that goes against the grain of what society and community says is ok, automatically it is assumed that SHE is being shortchanged.  Why is that?  Who's to say that SHE wants to be tied down?  Or that she knows, unequivocally, that this is the man she wants to spend the REST OF HER LIFE with?  I mean, maybe it's just me crazy, but marriage is SERIOUS business.  Not only that, it's hard work.  Yeah it sounds good with the "Oh...he proposed.  I said yes!  I'm so happy!".  And I'm happy for you.  No, really I am.  It's a beautiful thing.  But why can't we be happy for women who say "You know what?  I love him.  He has potential.  But he hasn't proven to me that he can take care of me and my family for LIFE."  These words are not to be misconstrued to mean women want a man to do everything, but I see no point in hiding the fact that, truth be told, most women want to know that their husbands will be the providers and heads of households (contrary to popular belief). 

Back to Nelly and Ashanti.  Who's to say she's not claiming HIM?  Who's to say he's not good for other things (I mean have you seen him?  And that body? *exhales*) but he's just not boyfriend/husband material (I'm not judging but have you seen the Tip Drill video).  He's a highly sought after, attractive, successful man.  Undoubtedly, he has potential but who's to say, for her, he's Mr. Right. He may just be Mr Right Now.  She's a beautiful, multimillionaire, in her late twenties.  Just maybe she's doing what SHE wants to do and isn't playing the role of a jilted, "unclaimed" girlfriend.

Contrary to ideas perpetuated by a male dominated society, some ladies do know what they want and how to get it.  They aren't just settling for a dude with "potential".  When one is in their late teens to early twenties, and just dating...potential goes a long way.  As far as marriage is concerned though,  potential can't get you very far.  A husband, and a wife for that matter, needs to show and prove what he/she is capable of and that their visions of the future match.  One of the reasons the divorce rate in this country is so high is because people marry based on potential.  Women, specifically, think they have a lil DIY project on their hands.  Ummmm.......NO.  Won't work, evidently. 

I'm not under any illusions that Mr. Right is Mr. Perfect.  There's a difference.  A big one.  That difference being that one doesn't exist.  What I do believe is Mr. Right has to have more than just potential.  Eventually, a woman will be looking at you with that face that all women possess and all men hate, and this particular time the look will be saying "What Has Your "Potential" Done for Me Lately?".


-brandyn said...

I agree 100%, too often we let other people's opinions and "definitions of success" dictate how we live our own individual lives. It's usually someone who isn't in the best position to give advice in the first place. Yet, we listen and mold our very own existence based on the mindless rants of someone else.

The reason for this isn't a complete mystery, people naturally want to feel accepted and part of a larger community, and are constantly checking for approval and acceptance. This becomes dangerous given the rather infinite amount of influences we receive daily from the media, friends and family and other social instituions.

As far as marriage, well don't get me started on that .

MISS WHITE said...

Please do get started! lol Thanx for reading! ;-)