Tuesday, November 23, 2010

It's Not That You Don't Hear Me; It's Just That You're Not Heeeeeere With Me.

You have 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason. Use them! - Somebody's Mama

Have you ever been talking to someone, explaining a point with all your might?  Pulling out all the stops and you just get nothing? Crickets?? Can you honestly say that this occurrence is not one of the most annoying things ever? It's like, "Really?" "Are you that dumb?". Just kidding...but seriously though, I hate trying to explain myself and my message just continuously gets lost in translation. Especially when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex...

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I know how it is to be in a long term relationship, and I know countless other women who've been in their fair share. Not to mention the miscommunication that goes on with casual dating and how it prevents people from even getting to the relationship stage (anyone see a little show about single women called Sex and the City). One thing that is common among these women alike, is our inability to communicate/translate our feelings into a language a man can understand and a message he can be receptive to.

Case in point: The other day I'm chatting it up with my homegirl. She tells me about how her man never has any time for her because he's "focused" on whatever he's got going on. Her explanation takes all of 10 minutes and I'm all "Yeah girl...mmmhmm. I don't know what's wrong with him." This same 10 minute conversation she had with me, she's been trying to have with her man for MONTHS.

Now I'm not being a yes woman and hanging on her every word. I actually understand her points.  I think they're very valid. If I disagreed, I would have no problem telling her, that's why she's called me.  But that's not the case. She has explained her point of view to me, without interruption (save for an "mmhmm girl" or 2 that I mentioned before) and I have pretty much concluded...she should atleast be heard out by her man. SHOCKER!

Granted, it's a known fact that men and women hail from different planets, and most probably different galaxies. The only problem here is that we choose (or are forced, depending on which way you look at it) to coexist together. How do we do that so that everyone wins?

Ooooh ooooh me. I know! A little thing called compromise. Compromise does not come without listening, and how often do we do that?  I mean, of course we think we do. But often times, before someone even gets their point across we're already thinking of a rebuttle. How does that work? And how will that work in the long run over a period of time? It won't. Relationships have to be built more on listening and understanding than talking and overstanding.

What do I mean by "overstanding"? Well, when you overstand you overlook the point of view that someone else has, cause you THINK you understand before they've even attempted to explain where they're coming from.  Did you stay with me?  If not, the bottom line is...more listening than talking has to be done in any successful relationship or friendship. So the next time you're talking til your blue in the face and you're still not getting your point across: Stop. Take a deep breath. Look the person dead in the eye and say "I know it's not that you dont HEAR me, but I need you to be HEEEEEERE with me". And be sure to say "HEEEEERE" in your best Martin voice and do the two finger eye to eye hand gesture. And if that doesn't work? It just wasn't meant to be.  They'll just never understand. 

Nah but seriously, just spend more time listening than talking.  Even if there's no immediate resolution, no harm can be done by taking some time to open your heart...and your ears.


NekuH said...

But when does talking translate into nagging, or trying too hard too make something that isn't meant to be work????

MISS WHITE said...

"But when does talking translate into nagging" - I mean this is just my opinion but it's a very thin line. Nagging is subjective -so if someone is saying "you're a nag" either you're overdoing it with too much talking and not enough listening or maybe they've just stopped caring, which obviously means at that point, it may be time to move on.....