Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Why am I surprised?

I was heading onto the train yesterday after work and I was in my own version of lala land. Dropped some money while replacing my metrocard. A nice gentleman in a suit (corporate type) pointed to the money I dropped. As I was going back to get it, a woman picked it up. Before I could even say anything...he was already there tapping her on her shoulder (literally) and pointing to me as the rightful owner of the currency. I looked at him, seemingly stunned, smiled (I'd like to think brightly) and was greeted with a warm "you're welcome". It should be noted that this happened during rush hour at the Rockefeller Center train station. Maybe I've bought into the notion that NYers could give a rat's ass about each other's well being, I don't know. I do know that I was pleasantly surprised.

I had intended for this blog post to be about being UNpleasantly surprised by the lack of loyalty displayed by closest confidants and then a stranger surprises me with such a small but grand gesture, in my view. See, I was on the verge of writing off people as mere objects and obstacles. I know it sounds melodramatic and more than a tad jaded but it's how I've been feeling. I've always been the type of individual that "doesn't tell my business". I mean I may throw out a sublimenal message or 2 on FB or twitter but "never have I ever" (stole that from the game) went on a rant about my personal life and divulged specific details regarding my life. Actually, I find that pretty tacky. However, on more than one occurence I have been betrayed by a confidante, that I willingly invited into my personal space. Now if I take these occurences as lessons and use them for what they are, I would, in fact, keep my distance from all people when it comes to an extremely personal level. But then, I have to ask myself...where does that leave me? Alone with no one to talk to? Of course there are the old reliables, for those of us who are lucky, parents and significant others, but everything aint for everybody, and sometimes one wants an opinion of a peer or just maybe someone on the outside looking in. It's hard for parents and S.O.'s to remain objective, not to mention you can't talk to them ABOUT them so that leaves us at an impasse.  Click on HERE read more........

I mean honestly, this is a subject that I've given much thought. I'm learning as I get older that one of the keys to being happy is being authentic with who I really am. I'm a realist, so by no means do I expect to have it all figured out by the ripe old age of 26, but only a fool would let lessons pass them by without taking in what is to be learned, right? What's that they say about fool me once? One of the conclusions that I've come to is to not put expectations on people...and by that I mean NONE. I don't expect people to be loyal to me...if they are I'll be pleasantly surprised. I don't expect people to be trustworthy, if they tell the truth, I will be pleasantly surprised. I've changed my philosophy to guilty until proven innocent because for me, I'm better off that way. Before you run, not walk away from reading this, just know that I'm not promoting a hermit kind of a lifestyle. What I am promoting is self preservation, and lots of it. The more people betray and disappoint a person, the more little pieces of one's essence are chipped away. On the whole, I'm a jovial and bubbly person. I cant let the actions of others steal my light and my joy. So in the future, in stead of asking myself why am I surprised? I choose to let people prove themselves and I'll ask that they allow me to do the same for myself! I'll enjoy being pleasantly surprised like I was yesterday in the train station.
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